Friday, December 30, 2016

ROGUE ONE! Seeing A Star Wars Story in Futako-Tamagawa!

Signage for Rogue One: A Star Wars Story in the 109 Cinemas in Futako-Tamagawa. Photo by Brett Homenick.

I was actually looking forward to seeing Rogue One. The trailer looked rather impressive to me, and the difference in tone from what we usually get in the Star Wars universe intrigued me. I was completely unimpressed with The Force Awakens, and given that this film seemed (superficially, anyway) to be the antithesis of TFA, I entered the theater with the notion that I'd end up enjoying the experience.

I wanna talk to somebody in charge...

I'm not sure the best way to begin, but I'll start by saying that I haven't been this bored by a movie in a long time. Halfway through, I gave up, and when I say that I gave up, I mean I completely checked out. I alternated between staring at the floor, the ceiling, my wrist in search of a watch that wasn't there -- anything but the screen. It was brutal. I can't remember the last time I cared so little about the characters or their actions in a film that I paid to see in a movie theater. As much as I disliked the rebooted Ghostbusters, I have to admit that it held my attention more than this flick did. Yeah, that's not good.

Gareth Edwards is 0-3 with me. But I will give the director credit for one thing. Visually, Rogue One was pretty amazing. I really liked how the film looked. Other than that, however, there just isn't much going on. The Force Awakens might have put me to sleep, but Rogue One made me wish I'd bought sleeping pills at the concession stand. Gotta have a little substance to go with my style.

Oh, and I laughed when I saw CGI Peter Cushing. It was never a convincing effect to me, and it turned the proceedings into a Bizarro World version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Seriously, just stick to CGI aliens; they're much more believable.

I would have written more, but the Nostalgia Critic and the gang at Red Letter Media have already said everything I would have -- and much better than I could have. Watch their reviews, and you'll know more or less my reaction. When I left the theater, I figured I must have become a grumpy old curmudgeon somewhere along the way who has no time for these goofy blockbusters anymore, but I was relieved to find that I wasn't alone in my opinion.

Who knows, though. Maybe I'll like the next one.

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